It Was the Terrier That Took Me Down

So I get up pretty early, usually around 4 or 4:30am. I like to work out before going to work and since I commute 45 minutes and start work at 7:20, I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn. So this morning I got up, did 40 min on the treadmill, two sets on the Ab Lounge (laugh but that shit is working!), and then went through my daily routine to ready myself for work. As I was heading downstairs to get my purse and head to the car, my four dogs raced down the stairs in a formation which I can only describe as "the wall". The puppy got tangled in my legs, and so I took flight and tumble down the stairs. As my face smacked the wall, blood came gushing out of my mouth! Not one to panic, I got up and ran back upstairs for a wash cloth to put in there. I wasn't sure at first if I had cracked my lip or lost some teeth! I decided it was my teeth, somewhere in the back, and I couldn't get it to stop bleeding. First, I made that emergency call to my dentist (luckily an old friend of the family), and he said he'd meet me at the office. Then I called work where the secretary had a difficult time understanding anything other than, "I fell and hit my teetch and haf t'go to denist. I be late." Then I got in the car and over to the dentist's office. Turns out that the fall split my gums from the teeth furthest back in my mouth, including a pesky wisdom tooth that has a date with the oral surgeon this summer. So, after big needles and some stitches in my mouth, I'm about ready to leave when my dentist says, "Hey, I think you might want to get that hand checked out." I looked at my right hand and the finger next to my pinky was swollen and scary looking. So, I hopped over to a Care Now to see about that (funny that I didn't really notice it because I was overly concerned with my teeth...my true vanity both scares and embarrasses me). I only waited 10 minutes (a medical miracle in itself), and they got me in to see the doctor. They took an x-ray and sure enough, I had a small fracture in the knuckle. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck! So they tell me to head over to the nearest hospital to get it casted. I refused and told them to give me some tape or a sports splint so I could go.

No, I'm not overly tough and wasn't trying to prove anything. I just didn't want to take that kind of time when I needed to get to work.

Now, I know I should have probably just done it, but there's more to the story. Every month at work, we have a birthday luncheon for the people on staff that have a birthday that particular month. At the beginning of the year, each team of teachers and staff signed up for a month to provide said luncheon. Well, April is the office staff and administrators' turn. We decided on taco salad, so I had to take home about 4lbs of hamburger meet to cook and season. So, this morning on my way out, I put the crockpot with this meat in my back seat. That crockpot of meat would feed one of the three lunch periods we have at my school. Now, if I didn't show up, one lunch would not have the meat for taco salads. That damn meat was taunting me from the back seat. I was unable to think of anything else but that meat and how I would be the office hag if I didn't show with it in time. So after much argument and an extracted promise to go get it casted if it worsened over the weekend, I left for work with the injury in a nice little sports splint. It was 9:30 by this time, and the luncheon started at 10:45. So, I hit the road (still a bit drooly from my dental work) and luckily made it there. By God, the teachers were getting their taco meat, or I would die trying to get it there! (Did I mention I was a bit obsessive about this taco meat?)

All day long, people kindly asked as to what happened to me since I had a swollen jaw, was drooling a bit, and had a finger splint. One person asked me if I was hungover, and one kid asked me if he could "touch it" (referring to my finger). Odd. Anywho, after telling the embarrassing story several times, I finally just shortened it to me tripping over my dogs. Thus, it was the terrier that took me down. (Say hello to my lil Cricket. Isn't she cute? She's a bit older now, but this was the only pic I had on my laptop.)

PS-My colleague finds the ridiculous things that happen in my life to be quite entertaining and continues to tell me to write a book. However, if I told her all the stupid shit that happens, she'd think I was making it up.

Dear NHL Commissioner and the Dallas Stars Organization

With roughly 4 minutes remaining in the Game 7 of the the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, I'm a bit confused as to your commissioning of the officials for tonight's game with Vancouver v. Dallas. Never have I seen a ridiculous amount of questionable penalties in a Game 7. Please explain to me the second period phantom high sticking call on Joel Lundqvist. How can it be a high sticking when the stick never made contact with the other player? Even in my limited knowledge of hockey, I could see that was not the call. But Joel went to the box and Vancouver scores to even it up. Cut to the third period where hooking calls seem to be the flavor of the period. And the holding the stick call on Juri Lehtinen? Is there a love triangle going on between the Sedin twins and our officials? What about Linden knocking the net off "accidentally" when the Stars where really swarming big nose Luongo? Where oh where are the calls the other way? Granted, hockey players do all they can to make things look dirty, but come on. Dallas digs out of a hole to get to the Game 7 and the officiating seems to have decided the game. Of course, it's a bad workman who blames his tools, and ultimately I know my beloved Stars really lost the series by digging the 3-1 hole in Game 4. Can't lose two straight and skate on through most of the time (no pun intended).

Now it's over..4-1 final on two empty net goals. Vancouver will most definitely get swept in the next round: they have to play Anaheim. Boring. Can't wait to see my Niedermeyer boys carve them up. Go Ducks! What a disappointment. I would have loved to see Giguere and Turco square off in net. Of course, I'd like to suggest not using this team of officials in that series, or any other in the next couple of rounds. Hockey fans deserve to see the decision of the game be decided by athleticism and skill. Of course, I realize you are hoping against hope that a Canadian team will take the Stanley Cup this year. You've said it in two interviews now. But I'm a good sport. Through my disappointment and disgust, I can congratulate Roberto Luongo. He was fantastic, as was Marty Turco. Goal tending was outstanding in this series. Vancouver and Dallas will battle it out next year at some point, I'm sure. (Damn those Sedin boys!)

I would like to thank you for the wonderful All-Star Game here in Big D. Working it was a highlight for me. Thanks also for the overtime shoot out rule during the regular season. Wow...who knew it would be so exciting to watch?

Finally, thank you Dallas Stars. It was a good run. I would like to request that we don't bow out in the first round for a 4th straight year next year. How about we try to win and get ahead in a series this next year? By the way, although I can't believe I am saying this, keep Big Eric Lindros...he turned out to be quite a plus. Pay Norstrom, Robeiro, and Lundqvist more. They were amazing! And finally, make sure that Mike Modano regains his sanity and does not go through with the farce of marrying the giggling idiot a decade younger than him. If so, stick a fork in him. He's done and should go ahead and retire with his solo Cup. Dumbass is contagious.


Forever a fan,

Sassy B.


PS-If I could, I'd like to request an Anaheim-New Jersey Stanley Cup Final. See what you can do about that.

PSS-Please hurry back in October. I don't like baseball (snooze), and football doesn't do it for me compared to hockey. I'm just sayin...

Dear God, Thank You

STARS FORCE GAME SEVEN!

Dear God,

Thank you for Marty Turco. Yes, I know he's been known to choke in my beloved Dallas Stars' quest for playoff glory the past couple of years, but he has kept his ass in the net the past few games, and we even won a pivotal game in Vancouverland tonight. Thank you for bringing us Mr. Mike Ribeiro. It is because of him that I have forgiven you for allowing the exit of Billy Guerin and the addition of Eric Lindros (although Big E has been a pleasant surprise when healthy). Mr. Ribeiro has changed the very definition of tenacity over this year. I don't want to forget Jeff Halpern or Brendan Morrow, as they have some wicked good hockey skills too. Also, please continue to bless Sergei Zubov, Trevor Daly, Stu Barnes, Stephan Robidas, Darryl Sydor, Philip Boucher, Ladislav Nagy and all the Swedes and Finns whose names I cannot spell but love nonetheless wearing the black and green, Lehtinen most particularly.

And as always, my ultimate thank you for Mike Modano. Even though he has yet to realize that I am his one true love and future wife, I know you will not allow him to marry and procreate with that dumbass bitch.

In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Amen.

There is a God...

And He is Good...

Sanjaya booted off Idol..let the real competition continue!

Take that, Bitch!

Here's the continuation of my last post. I decided to send out my mass email. Read on...

Hi Everyone!

To those of you who don't know or remember me, my dad is married to JuJu. Just wanted to send out reminders about the upcoming happenings:

April 28-I'm taking my defensive driving course to cancel out my speeding ticket (yes, the 2nd one this year!)
May 13-Mother's Day
May 15-My oldest brother's (John) birthday.
May 18-My oldest brother's son's (Michael)birthday.
May 21-Victoria Day (Canada)
May 22-J and D's birthdays! Big 25! Woo hoo!
May 28-Memorial Day
May 30-My last day of school
June 17-Father's Day
July 4-Independence Day
July 11-Lisa's Birthday (you don't know her)

By the way JuJu, don't forget to send J a birthday card at boot camp. I have the correct address. I'm sure he'd like to hear from his mother! Also, John and Michael would want you to call on their birthdays as well. Make sure you write down these dates though, don't want you to celebrate or send out the wrong date to the family like you did with Daddy's birthday (his b-day is 3/31 by the way and not 3/30 as you told everyone in your last email).

Love y'all,
Sassy

*No response yet except from my sister in-law to let me know I left off her birthday in May as well. (I don't really like her either though! lol)

It's Drama...I Know

My stepmother really bugs the shit out of me! I find it so difficult to believe my dad and she are married. Now, a little backstory: My father has been married 6 times (although he married two of the women twice). So to say that the problem could be him would not be a stretch. However, after he lived 49 years as a bipolar before being medicated, I tend to give him a bit of a pass on some things. Anyway, in 2006 my father married my second stepmother again. They share my twin brothers together, so there's a stronger bond than most of his ex wives other than my own mother (though my mother has never been any real part of my siblings and my lives since I was about 8 yrs old). So after not speaking for nearly 20 yrs, my father and my stepmother reunited and swore to all of us that they are truly "soulmates" (gag). About 3-4 months after they remarried, they moved up to Idaho. My father lived in Idaho through most of my college years, and he loved it. He only moved back to Texas after his last divorce. Ever since they've been gone, she has been controlling the information. I swear, if I didn't call him and speak to him directly, I'd think she killed him and was covering it up! She sends out these mass emails to everyone in her family (like I know them or care!) and to my brothers, sister, and me. Now this would seem really nice to most people, but the tone of the emails just pisses me off. My father had a serious liver problem about 6 months ago, yet she DID NOT tell my sister or myself. Somehow, she told her two sons and my older brother, but when my sister and I found out, her excuse was, "Your dad didn't want anyone to know" bullshit. My father could have DIED, and this bitch keeps that information from us? She didn't seem to have any problem with her vow of silence when she was spilling the beans to my brothers! After it was out, then came the emails that were more about how she was holding up through his illness! After about the 4th email, I called my sister and told her that throughout all of these emails there was this "poor me" victim song when it was our father that was ill! Now I know this all sounds so dramatic, but she's a bit self-centered.

So, my sister and I have always been close to my dad. We took care of him just as much as he took care of us. For most of my adolescence, he was single, so the women who did show up and date my dad often tried to do two things: 1) be our best girlfriend and 2) compete with us for my dad's attention/affection. Stupid activities, both of them. We always came first, and if we didn't like one of those hussies, she was gone pretty damn quick. But we were good kids, and we were never overtly rude or nasty to any of them. When I was 10, my dad was dating and then married my stepmother. It lasted about 4 years, and we were close to her and our twin brothers. Then my dad pretty much ruined it, and she up and left, babies in tow. That would start a bitter, 20 yr silence between them. Only lawyers talked to one another, and she kept the twins from my father for 15 of those 20 years. In the process, she kept them from us too. I'm not sure I have forgiven that, even if my father has. Long story short, now it seems that this second time around, my stepmother is really on some kind of strange power trip with my sister and I where my father is concerned. She even answers his freakin' cell phone! About 1 out of every 3 calls I make to him are answered by her. Stupid bitch! Like she's the information control officer or something. Here's a typical conversation with her when she answers my dad's cell phone (she has her own cell phone, you know):

Me: Hey Juju, I was trying to reach Daddio.
Her: Oh he's taking a nap. We worked late and my back has been bothering me....blah blah blah (for about 10 minutes).
Me: Yea, great. Let him know I called.
Her: Well how are you? How is work? What about the love life?
Me: All is well. Just let Daddy know I called.
Her: Okay sweetie. We love you! Bye!

Ugh! Either my father does not know she's answering his phone a third of the time, or he's got some form of narcolepsy. NO ONE naps that much! My dad is an active guy. He's only 57 for the love of Mike! Damn, she gets on my last nerve! So the last time she sent the mass email, she reminded "you girls" (referring to my sister and I) not to forget to call my father on his birthday (even though she knows we are so busy). WTF? I've yet to miss wishing my father a happy birthday yet in the 30 plus years I could talk no matter what was going on in my life, so I need that bitch to remind me? And in a mass email to EVERYONE on both sides of the family...as if my sister and I are somehow ingrates and birthday haters?? We were LIVID (maybe I still am a little)! So what I've decided to do is send a mass email to both sides of the family with a list of things she shouldn't forget to do this month, since she's so busy with her head up her ass! Perhaps I'll publish it here later with the replies I get back from the family. Should be riveting!

Hey Juju! Kiss my big white ass, you stupid bitch!

I'd Adopt Him...I Really Would

As I may have mentioned before, I work in a school. I've worked in schools for nearly 14 years now, first as a teacher and now as an administrator. In my 12 years of teaching, I can count on one hand the number of children I would have taken home to raise myself. Let me preface this with the information that I do not have any children of my own, and I am sorry about that. It's just not happened for me yet. So I've spent my professional life with other people's children. Don't get me wrong. I have enjoyed most of the children that have been my students, but every once in a while, I meet one that grabs my heart and won't let go. CC is one of those kids. He's a bright kid, but he's been in all kinds of trouble in his 12 short years. He's a diagnosed and medicated bipolar, considered to be emotionally disturbed, and he's very street-wise. A few months ago, he was even arrested and taken out in handcuffs from my office. I know. He doesn't sound so heartwarming, eh? But what most people don't know and don't take the time to find out is that he's really a good kid. He is slow to trust others, and I know why. He doesn't know who his father is. His mother is a little bit "off" and has now taken a job that requires her to be gone weeks at a time. His oldest brother is doing 25 to life for robbery. His "good" brother is now in trouble with the law. The only bright spot in his life is his older sister, but she's away at college. There's more, but I don't want to say. It's heartbreaking to hear him tell it all. Recently, he had such a bad day at school (later my suspicion that he hadn't taken his medication was confirmed by the babysitter) that he spent most of the day in my office. The conversation, as always, broke my heart. This last one though...it was about all I could take.

CC: Ms. Sassy, you got any kids?

Me: No, CC, I don't yet.

CC: Do you want any?

Me: Most definitely, but it just hasn't happened that I've had any yet.

CC: You have a boy..man that you are with?

Me: That's probably not the most appropriate question, CC, but at the moment I do not. My fiance passed away last year.

CC: What happened? Did he get killed?

Me: No. He died of a heart attack.

CC: Oh...sorry. Did you love him?

Me: Yes, I did. Very much. Thank you.

CC: Don't worry, Ms. Sassy, you'll find someone else. You're a nice lady.

Me: Thanks! (with a laugh)

CC: I bet you wouldn't want a son like me, huh?

Me: What? Why wouldn't I? I like you.

CC: Well...because I'm crazy and get in trouble a lot and stuff.

Me: First, you're not crazy, CC. You have a medical condition. I told you my dad has the same condition. Your brain just has a chemical imbalance that affects your moods. Second, if you were my son, I'd make sure you didn't have time to get into trouble! (laugh)

CC: I think it would be nice to have you as a mom. (Then embarrassed) I mean, your kids will be smart and have to behave and stuff.

Me: Ok, but you're pretty smart, and you know how to behave too. But...Thanks.

Me: CC, what do you think you'd want to do when you grow up? Do you have anything that you think you might want to do for a job?

CC: I want to be a mechanic...or a singer.

Me: You sing? Really?

CC: Yes. And I play guitar too. I'm pretty good.

Me: Wow! I didn't know that! Well, when you get rich and famous and win your Grammy, make sure you thank your old principal for giving you such inspiration (with a wink!).

CC: (laughing) Yeah..

The above is a typical conversation. He asks me a lot of questions and always inserts the question about not wanting a son like him. I know that it's his way of testing me a little...his way of seeing if I think he's bad and if I care or not. After the day had finished, I was on my way home and reflecting on the conversation. I cried the whole 45 minutes home. It made me sad that this kid has a good chance of being locked up or dead before he gets out of school, if he doesn't drop out first. I don't mean to be a doomsayer or negative, but the statistics are against him. Emotional problems, little to no support at home, no real male role model in his life, no real supervision at home, a craving to be important and to be cared about by someone...it all adds up to tragedy. I truly wish I could bring him home with me to live, and I would gladly raise him, problems and all. I would adopt him with no reservations. Unfortunately, that's just not going to happen. If CPS hasn't taken him away by now, they never will. He's almost a teenager. Sometimes, I wish that I had an office job somewhere...just me and my cubicle. But then I wouldn't have the chance to meet and hopefully make some kind of small difference in the lives of kids like CC. I just wish I didn't have to take one in the heart every time. God, please take care of CC when I cannot. He's pretty special.

*Sorry that this has turned into an After School Special. My mind and heart are just heavy right now.