I'd Adopt Him...I Really Would

As I may have mentioned before, I work in a school. I've worked in schools for nearly 14 years now, first as a teacher and now as an administrator. In my 12 years of teaching, I can count on one hand the number of children I would have taken home to raise myself. Let me preface this with the information that I do not have any children of my own, and I am sorry about that. It's just not happened for me yet. So I've spent my professional life with other people's children. Don't get me wrong. I have enjoyed most of the children that have been my students, but every once in a while, I meet one that grabs my heart and won't let go. CC is one of those kids. He's a bright kid, but he's been in all kinds of trouble in his 12 short years. He's a diagnosed and medicated bipolar, considered to be emotionally disturbed, and he's very street-wise. A few months ago, he was even arrested and taken out in handcuffs from my office. I know. He doesn't sound so heartwarming, eh? But what most people don't know and don't take the time to find out is that he's really a good kid. He is slow to trust others, and I know why. He doesn't know who his father is. His mother is a little bit "off" and has now taken a job that requires her to be gone weeks at a time. His oldest brother is doing 25 to life for robbery. His "good" brother is now in trouble with the law. The only bright spot in his life is his older sister, but she's away at college. There's more, but I don't want to say. It's heartbreaking to hear him tell it all. Recently, he had such a bad day at school (later my suspicion that he hadn't taken his medication was confirmed by the babysitter) that he spent most of the day in my office. The conversation, as always, broke my heart. This last one though...it was about all I could take.

CC: Ms. Sassy, you got any kids?

Me: No, CC, I don't yet.

CC: Do you want any?

Me: Most definitely, but it just hasn't happened that I've had any yet.

CC: You have a boy..man that you are with?

Me: That's probably not the most appropriate question, CC, but at the moment I do not. My fiance passed away last year.

CC: What happened? Did he get killed?

Me: No. He died of a heart attack.

CC: Oh...sorry. Did you love him?

Me: Yes, I did. Very much. Thank you.

CC: Don't worry, Ms. Sassy, you'll find someone else. You're a nice lady.

Me: Thanks! (with a laugh)

CC: I bet you wouldn't want a son like me, huh?

Me: What? Why wouldn't I? I like you.

CC: Well...because I'm crazy and get in trouble a lot and stuff.

Me: First, you're not crazy, CC. You have a medical condition. I told you my dad has the same condition. Your brain just has a chemical imbalance that affects your moods. Second, if you were my son, I'd make sure you didn't have time to get into trouble! (laugh)

CC: I think it would be nice to have you as a mom. (Then embarrassed) I mean, your kids will be smart and have to behave and stuff.

Me: Ok, but you're pretty smart, and you know how to behave too. But...Thanks.

Me: CC, what do you think you'd want to do when you grow up? Do you have anything that you think you might want to do for a job?

CC: I want to be a mechanic...or a singer.

Me: You sing? Really?

CC: Yes. And I play guitar too. I'm pretty good.

Me: Wow! I didn't know that! Well, when you get rich and famous and win your Grammy, make sure you thank your old principal for giving you such inspiration (with a wink!).

CC: (laughing) Yeah..

The above is a typical conversation. He asks me a lot of questions and always inserts the question about not wanting a son like him. I know that it's his way of testing me a little...his way of seeing if I think he's bad and if I care or not. After the day had finished, I was on my way home and reflecting on the conversation. I cried the whole 45 minutes home. It made me sad that this kid has a good chance of being locked up or dead before he gets out of school, if he doesn't drop out first. I don't mean to be a doomsayer or negative, but the statistics are against him. Emotional problems, little to no support at home, no real male role model in his life, no real supervision at home, a craving to be important and to be cared about by someone...it all adds up to tragedy. I truly wish I could bring him home with me to live, and I would gladly raise him, problems and all. I would adopt him with no reservations. Unfortunately, that's just not going to happen. If CPS hasn't taken him away by now, they never will. He's almost a teenager. Sometimes, I wish that I had an office job somewhere...just me and my cubicle. But then I wouldn't have the chance to meet and hopefully make some kind of small difference in the lives of kids like CC. I just wish I didn't have to take one in the heart every time. God, please take care of CC when I cannot. He's pretty special.

*Sorry that this has turned into an After School Special. My mind and heart are just heavy right now.