Monday, July 21, 2008

Soundtrack of My Life...For Now

Recently, I read an interesting post at Okay Seriously where she completed the "soundtrack" to her life. Being quite a music buff, I started thinking immediately what my soundtrack would be. So without further ado, I give you the Soundtrack of My Life as it is now (I can't say how it will be tomorrow):

Opening credits: Extraordinary-Liz Phair
I love this song even though I know she got a lot of flack for supposedly "selling out". With "I am extraordinary/if you'd ever get to know me", I think that's how everyone should feel about themselves.

Waking Up: Here Comes the Sun-The Beatles

Average Day: Everyday America-Sugarland
I work in Mayberry. What else can I say?

First date: Take a Chance on Me-ABBA
God I LOVE this song, and I don't care who knows it!

Falling in Love: I Bruise Easily-Natasha Bedingfield
I also thought "I'll Be"by Edwin McCain. I love him. That song is amazing. And then I also considered "I Think I Love You" by the Partridge Family. Really.

Love Scene: At Last-Etta James
This song has such a sexy vibe. It's definitely on my "sex songs" list along with "Possession" by Sarah McLachlan.

Fight Scene: Eye of the Tiger-Survivor
Other notables were "We Will Rock You" and "Another One Bites the Dust" by Queen.

Breaking up: No Ordinary Love-Sade
Holy shit! This must be one of the best songs ever recorded! I also thought of Puddle of Mudd's "She Hates Me"...I love that song.

Getting Back Together: I Will...But-SHeDAISY
Ladies, if you don't know it, you should really take a listen.

Secret Love: I Love You-Sarah McLachlan
This song just ACHES.

Life’s Okay: I Could Not Ask For More-Edwin McCain

Mental Breakdown: Crazy-Patsy Cline

Driving: Hotel California-The Eagles
I will sing this song at the top of my lungs with all the windows down! I love it! Also in the running was "Drive My Car" by the Beatles, "Heads Carolina, Tails California" by JoDee Messina, or "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman. And what about the classic Roger Miller "King of the Road"?

Learning a Lesson: Say-John Mayer

Deep Thought: Thank U-Alanis Morrisette

Flashback: Footloose-Kenny Loggins

Partying: Blue Monday-New Order/Blister in the Sun-Violent Femmes
What can I say? I can't tell you how many times in college I was drunk, and the Violent Femmes were playing in the background...

Happy Dance: Pocketful of Sunshine-Natasha Bedingfield
I think I might have a girl crush on her. I also like "Bust a Move" by Young MC and "It Takes Two" by Rob Base for a little happy dance.

Regretting: It's Too Late-Carole King
This was before my time, but the woman is incredible. This song always makes me a little sad.

Long Night Alone: Here With Me-Dido

Death Scene: My Immortal-Evanescence
This song is so depressing yet I still love it. Also, "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye"-Boyz II Men.I'm a sucker for harmonies..

Closing Credits: 100 Years-Five for Fighting

*Bear in mind that there were so many songs that could go with any label. It was really difficult...try it yourself and let me know!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Reversal of Fortune

I have to relay a very interesting story about some things that took place early this week. As you may or may not know, I'm STILL working my contract days in Mayberry. Some genius thought it would be great to make sure all campus offices were open all summer...which basically means that those of us working an 11-month contract had our vacation time broken up so that you end up doing two weeks on and then two weeks off all summer. Anywho, when I got to work on Monday, I received a brief email from the Sheriff's secretary which summoned me to a meeting in his office later that day. CCed in the email was the name of one of the Asst. Big Bosses, so I must admit my fertile imagination began to conjure all types of scenarios as to why this meeting was taking place. 

When my boss, Big C, came in later that morning, she looked a little off. I thought it might be related to the less than stellar test scores we had received back that morning. I asked her if she knew why I was summoned over to Alliance headquarters, and I received a curt, "I was told not to talk about it, " in response. Now this is when I really started to worry about my continued employment.  Don't get me wrong, I have done excellent work in Mayberry. I'm relatively well-known and liked  around the district. However, I have seen 5 people unceremoniously shown the door in Mayberry since the new Sheriff took over. Without any elaboration as to the context of this meeting and Big C slapped with a gag order, I admit I was starting to sweat a little. For 3 agonizing hours I wrung my hands over what I could have possibly done to get terminated. Did they find out I'd violated the acceptable use of technology policy when I blogged that one time from work? Did I forget to sign something that had resulted in a lawsuit against the district? Had I managed to fly so far under the radar that he thought I was just coasting along without doing any real work? Had (God forbid) there been some kind of accusation been made against me of inappropriate conduct? Time just ticked by painfully slowly, and I was thinking up all sorts of horrible outcomes. You can imagine how I worked myself into a fucking lather waiting for this mystery meeting!

Now cut to me arriving at Alliance headquarters for the ill-fated get together. I was shown to the Sheriff's office where I found not only him, but the Asst. Big Boss AND the HR Director! I thought, " Holy shit! The HR Director?  I'm SO getting fired!" Somehow, I remained outwardly calm and stumbled to the chair I was offered. Here's a transcript of the initial few minutes of the conversation:

Sheriff: Sassy, thank you for coming. 
Me: Mmm problem. 
Sheriff: Well, I'm sure you're wondering why I asked you here on such short notice.
Me: Yes sir! Umm, are you going to fire me?
Sheriff: Of course not! (much hearty laughter followed) I asked you here along with Asst. Big Boss because we want to ask for your help. We have a need in the district that we feel you are the only person that can help us. 
Me: Okay...
Sheriff: Sassy, I'd like to offer you the position of Head of Important Other Programs.* 
Me: I'm sorry, what? You aren't going to fire me? 
Sheriff: Oh no! I'm offering you a promotion. What questions do you have for me?

After I regained consciousness, I asked several pointed questions, and the Sheriff and Asst, Big Boss began to gush about me, my skills, my job performance, and how they had spent weeks interviewing outside candidates that they just didn't feel would be the best fit for the position. I then asked why me for this position. What followed was another gush of compliments about how they had decided to look at people already in district and that my name came up over and over.  I thanked them, and then I asked another very direct question: "In my experience, this kind of position is where districts often dump the mediocre or assign people whom they hope will quit because they don't really want to have to fire them. This isn't the case here, is it? Because if so, I can say with confidence that I have done an excellent job, am far from mediocre, and if you wanted me to leave, you'd just have to ask. " His reply, "Sassy, if I thought along those lines, I'd just terminate your employment here. Surely you know by now that I don't tolerate mediocrity? And with someone of your caliber in this position, we hope to eliminate that perception and get the various programs up to snuff. I , well we feel that you are the best person for the job." 

After I regained consciousness a second time, I accepted, thanked him for the confidence in me, and was ushered off to the HR Director's office to discuss the benefits of said promotion. Along with some added status, and a newer, bigger office, the position comes with an big ole pay raise! HOLY SHIT!!!! Do you think they read my blog?? 

So there you have it! I got a promotion! And a big raise! Yay ME! Although I'm very sad to leave  my current campus, I'm extremely excited about the possibilities and the broader experience my new job has to offer. Although the next two weeks will be extremely busy for me with my residence move and now setting up a new office, I just want to say THANKS to all of you for your support and encouragement. I heart you guys...


*Name changed to make sure I can't be searched and fired! :)

Friday, July 04, 2008

Don't You Want Me?

Well folks, it's back to Mayberry for another year. Now this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean, I love the fine folks in Mayberry! They are not only kind, they are mostly a lot of fun. However, Mayberry is not a place that will allow me to move forward professionally before reaching my 50s. A dead end you say? Yes, I'm afraid so. I'm sure at some point, I'll tire of the kindness and fun...and the small paycheck. But hey, I'm taking steps to move closer to Mayberry if for no other reason than to stop the senseless rape that occurs to me endlessly at the gas pump. I cannot continue to be a victim of such violence! So my new commute will be about 10-15 minutes versus the 45 minutes I've maintained for the past 3 years. I'll no longer be a homeowner, but ask me how sad I am about not pouring anymore of my hard-earned cash into this godforsaken money pit. Anywho, the real reason for this post is to ask you for a job. (No,
Dyckerson, not THAT kind of job! Jesus H. Christ you're a perv!)

So here are my qualifications: I'm an experienced educator. I have an enviable and impressive amount of diverse experience that should make me attractive and valuable to most any organization. I have a masters degree and will be working on my doctorate in the next 3 years. I'm a problem solver and damn good at it! I'm dependable, responsible, and extremely loyal. I care about my coworkers. I am excellent in crisis situations (ask anyone!). I have no police record, and my driving record is surprisingly clean.  I'm certified to restrain you, and I can do so without hurting anything more than your pride. I am certified to deliver first aid and CPR. I'm certified to teach and manage and evaluate both adults and children. I read pretty well and quite often. Most people think I'm the shit (seriously, most people do like me). I'm in relatively good health (maybe a little chubbier than I would like, but I'm committed to taking care of that), but I've only filed one workers comp complaint ( a rotten board at a stadium was certainly not MY fault). I have low blood pressure and high energy. I have a strong work ethic, and a sunny disposition.  I love dogs, and well, they love me too. Well, most animals really. Children of all ages love me. I'm generally told that I make people laugh, both at me and with me. I'm all the rage at weddings and barbecues. I have a Tivo. I have big boobs. I'm a hugger. I wear clean underwear. I bake. I go to confession (although to be honest, that's dropped off a bit since Father Liam took that post in Bolivia). I look people in the eye and have a firm handshake. Although I do enjoy alcoholic beverages on occasion, I'm drug and disease free. I'm from Texas, but I've lived on both coasts and actually want to move away again.  I mean seriously, why wouldn't someone offer me a position with more money and a bigger office? What the hell is going on? What does a gal have to do to move up around here? 

If my qualifications might meet your needs, please inquire within. Serious inquiries only, please. I'm pretty busy around here as it is. 

*You might also remember that I own a gun and know how to use it. Thanks!