Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Defensive Driving is for Sissies

So I finally completed my online defensive driving course to erase my last speeding ticket a few months ago. Nothing like barely beating the deadline for when it's due, right? I have an issue, however, with how long it takes. Here in Texas, the course is required to be 6 hours, which is completely unreasonable. I mean, you can pass the damn final exam after 2 hours of instruction (reading). So I completed the course on the I Drive Safely website, but it took too damn long. It used to be that you could just read and continue to the next page, but now they have this annoying little timer that won't allow you to click to the next page until it is at zero. It's just like those stupid professors in college who would take attendance and mark your final grade down if they felt you were absent too much. Come on! If I can read the book and make an A on your lame ass tests and quizzes, why be an asshole and lower me a letter grade because I didn't show up everyday to feed your big ass ego? But I digress...

Unfortunately (yet not surprisingly), I've had 2 speeding tickets this year, so deferred adjudication and defensive driving were the only options I had to erase those bitches. Is speeding really so wrong? It's not like I was driving 100 mph. As long as I'm only endangering myself on such lonely stretches, I think I should be able to drive like Dale Jr. It's my life, right? And why do cops insist on giving you a side of lecture with the "citation"? I don't argue. I say "yes, sir" and "thank you". I don't cry, throw a tantrum, show my boobs, or otherwise try to get out of it. Where's the bonus points for honesty? Actually, I'm rather entertaining when pulled over for speeding. So since I don't do anything to otherwise piss off Mr. HiPo or the Local Yokel, why does he feel obligated to wag his finger at me? Don't get me wrong, I respect the police immensely, and both of them were relatively pleasant guys. I just want to get my ticket and get to work on time. No muss no fuss. I always put on my contrite face. Is that too much to ask? I commute 45 minutes to work one way every day. All of this said commuting is on 4 major interstates. That's 37 total miles of wide open, little to no traffic, prime roadway.

Damn I hate speeding tickets and defensive driving courses. Bitter, party of one.


  1. Bitches. Seriously I agree and maybe we are skimming anarchy here but come ON, if theres nobody else around for me to kill when I flip my car going 85 then just leave me to it.

    If I want to be a jackass and I'm not going to hurt anybody leave me be.

  2. I just earned myself a trip to driving school this very morning.

  3. You just reminded me that I have one month left to complete that damn course.

  4. WHAT! You can just show some breast and get out of a ticket. I'll have to try that next time!

    I'm working on my offensive driving course down here. That is, trying to be as offensive as possible to the idiots who insist on talking on their cell phone, drinking their Starbucks while blowing through a yield sign nearly running me off the road. Each day!

  5. Lindy-Seriously!

    TFG-Did you get the lecture?

    Elizabeth-I'm hoping against hope that my mailed certificate reaches the frickin' court by Monday! Otherwise, all that crap was for nothing!

    SGT-I hear the boobflash works. Personally, I've never tried it. I will admit to worked the one time I used it, but in all honesty, I was going to be late to a funeral. I was already worked up.
    Offensive driving happens daily here too...perhaps the old saying, "The best offense is a good defense" really rings true.

    Happy driving y'all!

  6. I can't remember who it was, but there was a comedian who, in his routine, did something about getting a speeding ticket. His chief complaint was that it took too long to get the ticket itself: "Hey, officer, do you think you could speed this up? In case you hadn't noticed, I was in a hurry."


Ramble on a bit. You know you want to.