***THIS JUST IN: I got in to see the doctor and begged for a penicillin shot. Yes, a mamby pamby measly lil MD is no match for Sickly Sassy! So he leaves me in the room, and in walks my nurse: a MALE nurse. So I had to drop 'em and lean over the table for my shot in the ass! After an what seemed like an eternity, he finally takes out the needle and starts to rub the injection site. Now ladies and gentlemen, you might think this is some kind of erotic interlude, but unfortunately the nurse looked like a 6 foot Howdy Doody...who was rubbing MY ass! Perhaps one day the sting of embarrassment will subside...***
This will have to be short. I'm sick, sick, sick. I'm sneezy, achy, sleepy, feverish, and bitchy. I kept telling myself and everyone around me on Friday that I was not sick. The only one who believed me was me and the Indian UPS guy. I've been taking all kinds of vitamin C, Theraflu, Halls cough drops, Nyquil, and none of it has made the gravel that has moved in at the back of my throat bust up and move on. My nose is sore from blowing (please, Dyckerson, I'm not in the mood), my throat is swollen, my body aches, I'm running a temperature, and I've slept more than Rip Van Winkle. Plus, I desperately need a shower...which I intend on having once I've finished here.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
I'm Sick and I Sound Like Kim Carnes
On an interesting note, however, I was watching television when this song came on that I liked. I thought I might sing it. What came out of my mouth shook the earth and sent my pups running for cover! I swear, it was frightening. Then I thought about that old "Bette Davis Eyes" song from my childhood (I'm in no mood for age jokes, people!) and decided to try that one. I might as well be Kim Carnes twin. Who knew? "Her hair is hollow gold...her lips are sweet surprise..."
Anywho, I'm sick, sick, sick. And I hate it. And I hate all you healthy people. And I hate all those brats who most assuredly breathed on me at work giving me this crud. I blame you all! I'm going to have a shower now.
*Of course I don't hate kids...I love kids...I'm just sick...and bitchy...and did I mention sick?
**I haven't seen Father Liam in a week! Do you think he misses me??
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Have you tried alcohol? I've been on a steady prescription of booze all my life and I'm rarely sick. Or maybe I'm frequently sick, but too drunk to notice.
ReplyDeleteI've never heard that song attempted at any Karaoke Night, though interestingly enough, I HAVE been to a bar in Guam where women shower on-stage!
ReplyDeleteBeing sick sucks, although it seems like I rarely get sick. My daughter just got over strep and now my son is running a 101 fever. Makes me feel bad that I can't do anything for them other than try and make 'em comfortable while they're sick.
ReplyDeleteDamn, I want to be sick so somebody can take care of me for once! :) Go with what wirthy said and get hammered. Hope you feel better soon.
Call father Liam. Pretend you're more sick than you are, say nothing helps and ask for the anointing of the sick.
ReplyDeleteYou get to see father Liam and you get God's help with getting better. There.
When my ex got sick I always called her Demi Moore, cause she would get this sexy, raspy voice.
ReplyDeleteActually, I'd call her Do Me More
Wirthy-I can't booze it up and drive to work safely. I kind of think about those things...
ReplyDeletePugsley-Glad to hear it...but I'm SICK. I don't care!
Jeff-Thank you! I have no one to take care of me, although I am bit past the "kid" stage...
Krissie-I'm getting last rites if this crap doesn't go away! ;)
Dr. Ken-And she liked that? While she was sick? Really? ;)
If I hadn't seen you for a week I'd most probably miss you, however he is a man of faith and goodness whereas I'm generally evil, though I am feeling rather healthy.
ReplyDeleteI have something for you to gargle with, baby! It's an old family recipe...
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better soon, but while you don't, can you please record a duet with Kenny Rogers? Thanks.
ReplyDeleteOhhh my poor baby Sassy!! I hope you feel better soon SOOON SOON!! Don't do the blasphemy route with F.Liam, I'll just say a prayer for you, s'all good. :)
ReplyDeleteGet Well Soon!! XOXXO's - Dhor ;)
awwwwww
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon Sassy.
Orhan-You're quite the silver-tongued devil, aren't you? ;)
ReplyDeleteDyckiepoo-You should know that I don't swallow...
Sarah-My people will get in touch with Kenny's people and do lunch...although now my voice is cracking more than a pubescent boy. I'm not sure if Kenny's into that...
Horbaby-I'm feeling much better after my shot in the ass today. Thanks!
Patti-Thank you so much! You're a peach!
I'm listening to Betty Davis Eyes right now. Searched my iTunes once I saw your post.
ReplyDeleteI love me that song.
Feel better, Sassafras.
Sorry to hear you have been sick. I also have been sick and Dayquil works great. Although I tend to think that the muscles relaxers and pain killers I'm on for my neck being out may be what's really making me feel "better".
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