Friday, December 14, 2007

Evidently, the Post Office Always Delivers Something

So I'm at the post office today after being sent home from work all sickly. I thought I might just be able to time it right so that I didn't have to wait in line. I mean, people still work at 1:00 in the afternoon, don't they? Apparently not. That bitch ass line was out the door! And it's colder than a witch's tit out today too! So I'm waiting in line with my package trying to fill out everything so that people don't get all shitty from the line when I make it up to a postal person, and the old guy with a cane behind me starts talking to me.


OGwC: What ya got there, sweetheart? Sending out some Christmas gifts?

Me: Well, I guess it's sorta like a Christmas gift, but it's cookies.

OGwC: Oh how delightful! Nothing says, "I love you" like homemade stuff.

Me: Umm...I wouldn't say that these are the "I love you" type of cookies! Ha ha

OGwC: Well darlin', you just remember that they can! Pretty girl like you should have a lover.

Me: Uh huh...well, thank you!

OGwC: You are a sweet girl! (Pats my arm and smiles warmly)

Me: Why thank you. (Smile warmly back at him)


Then I let the old guy in front of me because I was still trying to address my package. Then I drop my car keys. As I reach to pick them up, my head collides with a Good Samaritan who was also trying to pick them up for me. After the initial, "Doh!", I see that this is a tall kid of about 21 or so. Here's the conversation:


Me: Thank you so much! I'm so sorry that I knocked you in the head! Ha ha

Him: No problem! Ha ha It was my fault. My mother always said to help out a lady in need.

Me: You're mom is a smart lady. But really, thank you.

Him: You sure got your hands full there. Do you need some more help? (Winks at me)

Me: I'm fine, thank you again.

Him: You sure have pretty eyes. (He was more or less ogling my cleavage, however)

Me: Thank you. I had nothing to do with them. All my father's doing.(I turned back around)

Him: (Taps me on the shoulder) Are they real?

Me: No, they're glass. I'm blind.

Him: Ha ha! That's funny! I meant are they the real color?

Me: Yes.

Him: They sure are light.

Me: Uh huh. (still keep turning around after answering him)

Him: Does your boyfriend like them too? Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: Listen, Romeo. I'm at the post office so that I can get some things sent off. I'm not here trolling for some ass. I'm not sure where this conversation is going, but I do know it will not be having me as a passenger. Thank you again for helping me with my keys, but you're too young for me, and I'm out of patience.

Him: Uh...well...sorry. "Bitch...must be a lesbian" (under his breath)


Okay people, what the hell was that? The old guy, he was pleasant, and I'm normally okay being up for a chat. However, I don't need Grandpa Jones to tell me to find a lover. I have grandparents to remind me that I'm single again. Secondly, what was Junior thinking? Is the post office the new singles hot spot? What a freak! And to think that, in the beginning, I was thinking how nice it was that someone his age was a gentleman! I will never understand why not being interested makes one a lesbian. Surely you boys grow out of that?


Again with the little boys and old men!

Hey Junior, a little piece of advice: Don't be talking about a girl's eyes while speaking to her chest. Newsflash: They don't talk! Also, don't be running your game at the post office. I'm sure there are much more interesting places in which to proposition the ladies.


Do I just have a sign on my forehead? It's not like I'm super hot or anything. Jesus! Although I've had quite a run this past month or so, men don't regularly hit on me. At least, I don't think they do...not in any serious manner anways. Whatever...



*Yes, I know I shouldn't have gone to the post office if I was running a temperature, but I had shit to mail! And I never get off work soon enough to actually get to the post office, bitches!
**And I know I was rude, but I'm sick and tired. Give me a break!

8 comments:

  1. First off, mailing "shit" is against post office regulations. You could be in for trouble if the feces police get wind of this.

    Second, maybe the kid knows a lot more about lesbians than you think. Are you sure you aren't one? Were you wearing a shirt that says "I {heart} vagina" or something like that?

    Third, I love it when Southerners say it's cold out any time between December and February. I'll trade daily high & low temps with you any time for the rest of the winter, and even spot you 10 degrees! :)

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  2. I've got a special "package" for you myself...but I need to "deliver" it in person! When should I come by??

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  3. Jeff-LOL I mailed cookies, NO I wasn't wearing an I heart vagina shirt, and YES, it's freakin cold for these parts!

    Dyckie-You're so romantic. Why must you torture me?

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  4. You know what women need to start carrying and handing out? Rejection cleveage cards. You know.

    Look, fella, I'm not interested in you but here have a picture of my tits as a thanks for trying prize. Your effort has been rewarded, now shoo-shoo-shoo.

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  5. I would be interested in the cards that Orhan Kahn mentioned. In fact, I would be more tempted to approach women if I knew I'd wind up with one of those.

    The way I see it, if I don't keep an eye on your breasts, how can I keep from "accidently" bumping into them? So if you think of it my way, this is a courteous gesture.

    And the old codger is right: a pretty girl like you SHOULD have a lover. That is why I' m going to my Post Office right now to mail myself to you, provided you truly aren't a lesbian. Or if you are, and are still willing to pay postage due, I would be willing to waive my usual handling fee.

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  6. Orhan-Seriously, come on!

    Pugsley-Where would you get the idea that I might even dig the ladies? And I'm not sure you would fit in my mailbox! ;)

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  7. Well, I thought it was a ripper idea :(

    Here, have a crotch-buldge card in place of an apology.

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  8. would you rather have had young romeo say, "Wow, you've got really great bewbies"

    ?

    And yes, most men grow out of that sort of behavior by about 19.

    ReplyDelete

Ramble on a bit. You know you want to.