Taking His Balls For A Ride

Really, gentlemen, what the hell is this:

I'm not sure if this phenomenon is catching on everywhere else, but this douchebag had a fake silver set of balls hanging off the rear of his truck. How did I notice this? Well, first of all, he was driving like 12 mph...just to annoy me, I think. Otherwise, ole Blondie here could not have had the time to search out her Crackberry and snap this little photo. What you can't tell from the crappy cell picture is that they are shiny and silver. Was this a Christmas statement? Silver Balls? Ha. Ha. You dumbass loser. Worse yet, when I passed his stupid ass, he had a pair of what looked like foam titties hanging from the mirror. I think I even threw up a little in my mouth. Classy.

Really, what the fuck? Is this supposed to make other men feel inadequate and the ladies swoon? What part of such an action would make sense? Has there been a staggering increase in douchebaggery in the last few years, or am I just getting old (Don't you DARE answer that, Dyckie!)? Am I supposed to see this tasteful display and drop my panties, panting with desire? What it really makes me want to do is take them and shove them down his shitbag throat! Better yet, grab my pistol and put the poor wanker out of his misery.

Gentlemen, a word of advice: if you have to advertise you have a pair on the backside of your truck, that's pretty much an indicator to us gals, and the gay parade as well, I'm sure, that you are afflicted with one or all of the following:

1. You evidently have no balls, so you bought some cheap ones at the Gas & Sip.

2. Your balls are indeed small and inadequate (along with your penis).

3. You are proud of your 5th grade edumacation.

4. You think you are incredibly cool and all the ladies love you...but you are still living with your mother and working the drive-thru.

5. You dropped your dick in the dirt, and now no chick wants your rotten, herp-afflicted ass. Therefore, you have to act like you are Jimmy Big Balls to save face.

Seriously. Just stop. You're embarrassing yourself. And stop popping your fucking collar while you're at it. Jesus....

*Where the hell would you get something like that? I shudder to think of the Google search phrase. Hor, I hope this isn't a hillbilly thing. If so, you should check the vehicles of all your male kin. ;)