I'm With The Band

UPDATE***Got a call this afternoon from the bride and groom. Seems they are home now and watching the wedding video and looking at the pictures. I asked them quite earnestly (Okay, I begged!) if they might consider "editing" the reception portion of the wedding. All I got on the line was hysterical laughter. They did report, however, that it was apparent that my performance was a high point of the reception even before my "almost flash". I assured them this was a once in a blue moon kind of deal.***

So I mentioned in my last post that I had quite the time at a recent wedding on the East Coast. I was quite the lush most of the time, so of course, all that alcohol kept me straight-laced and well-behaved. Sure. However, it seems I made quite a splash (this was before the skinny-dipping incident) at the reception. But now for a little background:

The couple that got married are old friends who were together for nearly a decade before deciding to put the government's seal of approval on their union. I actually introduced them eons ago. The lingerie shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner were mostly my responsibility as the maid of honor. Without trying to explain my greatness at planning these superfabulous events, none of them matched the wedding and reception (And that's saying A LOT considering my bachelorette party extravaganza in NYC). The wedding was lit only by a gazillion candles, and I must say, if I ever do find a man that thinks he might love me enough to marry me, I think I'm going to steal the candlelight ceremony idea. Partly because it was really cool, but mostly because I look pretty damn hot by candlelight.

However, after careful review, all parties involved decided that the reception was probably the most fun of the week. There was a light buffet, an ocean of champagne, and a live band. Now, I'm not a fan of the wedding band (ha..that's not really a pun), but the band in question was made up of some friends and fueled by alcohol. Perhaps I should mention at this juncture that I have not been classically trained as a singer. I can carry a tune, I'm just thinking it's not any tune most people want to hear. It's one thing to sing and point in my car, but a professional singer that does not make. Evidently, after about 42 glasses of champagne, I'm quite the songstress. So anyway, I decided about halfway through the reception that I needed to join the band for a few numbers. Okay, so maybe it was a whole set. Yes, I turned the wedding reception into Sassy's Karaoke Night. WTF was I thinking? Anywho, the guy who was the lead actually called me up to the stage (old friend, briefly old boyfriend) to sing a little back up. I'd done it before. What could possibly be wrong with that? He obviously didn't remember that I'm more of a front and center kind of gal. So the last half of the night, I sang with the band. The sad part is that I was about 30 sheets to the wind, wearing a rather clingy and plunging halter-type bridesmaid dress, and on a crash course with unending embarrassment. Right now I'm thinking you are envisioning an American Idol reject (that pissant Simon, what does he know??), and you wouldn't be too far off the mark. However, these people kept asking for more, and so I felt it was only right to oblige my fans, inserting random shit into songs where I drew a blank and couldn't remember the words (just like Jessica Simpson! Wow! I'm better than I thought!). We all laughed, some cried, and I even played some bass. Did I mention I don't really know how to play the bass? And of course, there was the champagne. But I digress. At the end of the evening, the guys and I were finishing up "Something to Talk About", and I casually (or drunkenly... you decide) realized that I was showing an excess of boob. Yes, folks, nipple was very nearly in the building! I was obviously rating my performance a D...cup. That's the problem with those halter dresses...no bra required. Unfortunately, I'm certain part or all of my stage show was caught on video. The best I can recall, people were throwing dollar bills at us all evening (I counted the next morning and it seems I made $50!). I just thought it was for my singing, but I'm now thinking they must have thought I was going for skin to win. It didn't stop me though. I finished out with a more recent song, "Bubbly" to close us out...we felt it was the best way to thank our friend that brought us together for one night only (did I mention I love champagne?). Here's hoping all the music moguls out there will give me a moment's rest after this. I mean, the telephoto lens of fame is not for everyone.

Long story short, a fun time was had by all. I followed up my performance that night by making out with the groom's 25 yr old brother (XOXO lil Mike) and the now infamous skinny-dipping incident. Go big or go home, right?

*Believe it or not, the biggest hit at the reception was the bride's 62 yr old mother who not only was drunker than me (and everyone else in the room) and sang with us, but she "pantsed" the lead guitar guy. It was a full frontal reception, courtesy of Momma Ruth. This is why I should never drink again.

**With this trip, I also remembered that I'm one hell of a good time! It's nice to recall how much fun you really are, and that you aren't the only one who thinks so.