I'm Outta Control!

Yes, I think I've lost my mind! My behavior is clearly that of a disturbed woman. Okay, so maybe I'm analyzing my own actions a little too much lately, I've been doing some rather uncharacteristic things of late. Here's the rundown:

1. I completely blew off my boss and my boss's boss. (Listen pervs, not one part of that is sexual, got it?!) For a gal who always does the right thing, this was VERY uncharacteristic of me.

2. I made out in the movie theater with a man nearly 10 years younger than me. (So okay, there's really nothing wrong with that, but I am stymied by the age difference at this point. I rarely date men younger than I am...particularly that much younger.)

3. I flirted shamelessly with the married best man at my friend's wedding. (I'd like to blame the champagne, but the fact of the matter is that I have never liked his bitch of a wife and find him infinitely charming...plus I've known him forever, and he certainly didn't seem to mind too much. BUT it's despicable nonetheless. AND I apologized to her (hating every minute of it) for having drank too much and taken liberties with her husband. I don't know if she was mad mostly at me or more at him.)

4. I danced on the table at an uptown NYC bar like nobody's business, which means I only paid for one of my many drinks. (Bachelorette parties put the music in me)

5. I went to a strip club and actually put money in some chick's thong, and the girls and I took a turn on the pole...fully clothed of course. (This was a first because I have strong opinions about women showing up at a man's playground and vice versa)

6. I totally grabbed a strange man's ass on the subway because, dammit, he had a nice ass! (Unfortunately, I think he was unsure as whether to be scared or flattered...I like to think he was both. The odd part of it is that if he'd done it to me, I would have punched him, very hard, in the softer areas because I detest strangers touching me in any intimate fashion.)

7. I went skinny-dipping at the hotel (and a fancy one at that) pool with friends and strangers alike...and got caught by hotel security. Took damn near an hour before things were straightened out. (Sorry Julie!) I hit my knees this morning to pray that there were no cell phone cameras snapping. My humiliation would know no bounds...

Now, many of you might think this could be normal for lil ole me, but I can tell you that I stopped engaging in these types of behaviors in my twenties. I grew up pretty responsible and proper. These kinds of things may seem funny and expected in a girl of 20-something, but I am thinking it might be more than pathetic in a woman that is 30-something.

Frankly, I'm in a panic about my fucking birthday in November. I'm getting OLD, my friends...OLD! Yes, I know...I can pass for about 10 yrs younger. It's true, not a brag, and just the luck of the gene pool. All my people look younger than they are. But that does not erase the number that I am or will be on November 16th. Why is it that we fixate on numbers? I'm not changing decades again just yet. It's silly, I know, and really more self-indulgent than anything on my part. The thing is, I know more about the world, about myself, than I did at 20-something, and I'm so grateful for it.

I just wish we didn't measure things in years sometimes. I wish people didn't die unexpectedly on me. And I also wish I already had a kid by now because then I wouldn't be so worried I'm reaching the point where the window for having one is getting smaller and smaller. Most of all, I wish I weren't freaking out so much right now about a stupid number. It's silly, I know.

Well, if wishes were horses...(whatever that fuck that means. My granny used to say that all the time...I wish I would have asked her what the hell she meant!)

**The wedding shit I've been attending in the great Ridgewood, NJ area has kept me a bit tipsy since I landed on Wednesday. Sometimes being the maid of honor does have its perks. At least we spent a wild night in NYC (of which I have a tasty story to blog about later). Thank God I'm heading back to Big D in an hour. Home sweet home...