Hell aka Hobby Lobby

I went to Hell, otherwise known as Hobby Lobby today. I had dropped off some framing about three weeks ago, and since I hadn't heard back from them I decided a visit was in order. It was packed! There was evidently some big sale happening, with a big red sign screaming, "1/2 Off Clearance!" Not really interested in fake flowers and scrapbooking supplies, I headed to the back of the store towards the custom framing area. When I got back there, no one was waiting to help me, so I rang this little bell. After a few minutes, I still had no service, so I hit the bell again. I waited a few more minutes (5 minutes to be exact), but the framing guru still didn't show. Now before I tell you what I did next, I feel the need to offer an explanation as to why I reacted the way I did. It's been raining here, and I had to drive 15 minutes over to Hell amongst the NASCAR wannabes who seem to not understand that hydroplaning is a bad idea. Next, I admit it, I might have a touch of the PMS. So after I had rang the desk bell twice within 10 minutes and gotten nowhere, I started banging away....I mean I really went to town on that sucker. In my head, I was working the synth chords in that Usher song, "Yeah!" Anywho, a very tall man with very little personality finally walked up to tell me to, "Stop that! Can I help you?" I said, "Sure, Lurch, what took you so long?" No, I didn't really say that. My grandmother would have rolled over in her grave. But I was thinking it. So, I brought out my paperwork and explained that I was told when I turned in this framing order that it would be ready by January 25th, and since today is January 28th and no calls had come, I was wondering if my stuff was ready. Lurch disappeared in the back to investigate. No joke, he was gone for 15 minutes! So, I left a little sticky note at the counter there, explaining that Lurch could page me over the PA when he got back from the fiery pits or wherever he disappeared to, and I decided to browse the big sale. As I walked up and down the aisles, I started to look at various figurines they had on different islands outside the aisles. On each one was the screaming red sign. Then I noticed that most of them were cracked, missing limbs (like the angels and the frogs), and were otherwise damaged. Evidently, being useless junk was worth a 50% markdown! After about 15 minutes of browsing, a voice came over the PA: "Will the customer who left a note in custom framing please return?" So I raced to the back, full of hope and optimism to see my framing items ready to go. Instead, Lurch is waiting for me and looking impatiently at his watch. When I arrived, he frowned and said that he was leaving for the day, but Judy would help me out in just a few minutes. I frowned back and said, "Fine, but is she faster than you?" (I know that's rude, but I'd been at the store for over half an hour and still had no idea where my freaking framed diplomas were!) I watched as that little vein at his temple began to bulge, but he held his composure and nodded curtly. As he stalked off, he took the bell with him. After another 10 minutes, I was ready to give this Judy person a piece of my mind. Finally, a woman in her 60s came out with a big smile and a "Hi dear, how can I help you?" This immediately took the wind out of my sails because I couldn't really yell at Grandma Moses, could I? She was the cutest thing with her beauty shop hair and glasses around her neck on one of those little chains. I showed her my paperwork and went through my story again, and she floated off to the back. In about a minute, she returned with a sad face to tell me that my items were not ready. At this point, I felt that Hell was holding my college diplomas hostage and demanded (ever so gently) to know why. GM sweetly explained that they are backed up, and my order will be ready to go February 9th. I sweetly inquired if this meant I would receive some discount for my trouble, and she sadly shook her head no and gave me her regrets and a nice little pat on my shoulder. Having no recourse, I resigned myself to waiting another 2 weeks. As I made my way back towards the exit, I was met again with the screaming red sign. So Hell sells broken crap for half off but dubious deadlines you pay full price for...who knew? As I got to the parking lot, I noticed Lurch leaning on his car smoking a cigarette and looking quite relaxed. Our eyes met, and though I could've just been imagining it because of the swirling smoke and red glow from the cigarette, I could swear as I was leaving Hell that I met the devil himself. Ok, ok...so that's a bit dramatic. It must be the PMS.