I'm Blue (and Still Seeing Red a Little Bit Too)

No one wants to hire me out of Mayberry. It's like I've been sucked into a black hole and can't get out. I had this phenomenal opportunity early in the week for a job that was tailor made for me, people. I mean, it's like they wrote the job description by peeking into my head. So I spend two days with these people. I tell them about myself, my educational journey, my vision of the work ahead should I actually get the position, yet I am not getting the position. The first day, which by the way was a LONG fucking 7am-8:30pm day, I had them in my hip pocket. I'm an excellent read of people...seriously, ask anyone. I KNOW when they hang on your words, when their questions are designed to slip you up yet you blow them away with your answers. And after that first day, it was obvious that I had them. Hell, they were already talking to me about WHEN I start the position, not IF. The second day I was really ready to seal the deal. I had a couple of meetings with various constituent groups, and then went to finish the day with Headmaster. In all of our numerous phone conversations (read: 5), and then in our in-person discussions, he was really impressed with what I bring to the table. So much so, that even he was talking in "WHEN" rather than if. But on this day, I get "the look", and the starting sentence of, "EVERYONE is really impressed with you and genuinely like you..." shit. Not. Good. So I had to sit there with a stupid smile on my face and nod as he basically told me that while I have everything they want in a person to fill the position, I lack a certain "sophistication" that they feel might impede my winning capacity with the parent population which would make me very unhappy in the position. Excuse me?? When I asked him to elaborate and expand on this observation, he told me that with the economy like it is and the need for private schools like them to maintain and even increase enrollment, that they need someone who is more of a politician. Again, excuse me? Nowhere in the job description or in ANY of our conversations was that mentioned as a prerequisite and mandatory skill. And then to basically infer that I'm some hayseed that does not know how to handle "high-powered and challenging" parents? Pardon me, fuckwad, but I can guarantee there is not ONE family in that school that could be nearly as high-powered or challenging as the parents that I dealt with successfully on a daily basis at the school where I worked in Los Angeles. One person even referred to me snidely as "homespun". To my face, people! My answer to that? I will take that as a compliment since I am proud that I'm down to earth and accessible to others. Everything I have ever gotten, I have EARNED through hard work and sacrifice. I think it is important to live as my authentic self and to not try to pretend or act pretentiously. What I do know is that I was more than qualified for that stinking job, and I now feel as if my time was completely wasted because they were looking for some snake oil salesman to glad hand rather than to ensure that the students at the school were getting the best education that their money could buy. Sons of fucking bitches! I'm not often prone to sour grapes. I think it's a waste of time to blame others for our failures. However, I really feel as if I was blind-sided and totally misled. And I know that I am coarse and inappropriate more often than not on this blog, but it's my outlet, a place where I don't have to censor what I say or how I say it. I don't really talk like this in my daily life, especially not in my professional capacity. I'm really quite articulate and very professionally put together.

Needless to say, I'm feeling completely discouraged and starting to doubt that what I've done for the past 15 years of my working life is of any worth to anyone. I cried all the way home on the plane. I'm so frustrated and don't really know what else I can possibly do to make things happen. This was by far the best fit for me in terms of a job, yet I still wasn't good enough. I'm a good person, I care about people and what I do, and I work hard because I believe in what I do. What the hell more do people want from me??

*Sorry for the whining. I'm feeling quite low at the moment. I'm tired now...