Wanted: Standing Wedding Date

So this year alone, I've attended 4 weddings. The 5th wedding was yesterday. It was a nice wedding, and the bride and groom looked very pretty and very happy. Of course, they are all of 23 or 24 yrs old. But I have confidence in the union being a lasting one. But, let me get to the real meat of this post. I'm single, and as such, weddings propose (no pun intended) an unusual challenge for me. When I receive an invitation, there's the dreaded reception RSVP where you have to put whether or not you have a plus one. God I hate that shit! I actually took my friend (who is a girl) to the wedding yesterday because she at least knows the bride and groom, and we crack each other up. Plus, she drove and I loaded up on champagne. But what I really need is that one person who will just be my standing wedding date, preferably male. Someone who won't freak out that they are being asked to attend a wedding (read=this chick must want to marry me because she's taking me to a wedding). That is where the crux of the problem lies. I'm not Miss America, but no one would be ashamed to be seen out with me in public, and I clean up pretty nice. I tend to only go to the weddings that have open bars. I am social and tend to hook up with fun people to hang out with at weddings. I don't expect my date to kick in for the gift. Shit, I even prefer to drive. Plus, I'm one hell of a fun drunk, if not a bit touchy-feely. No strings attached, gentlemen. So explain to me why I can't find this one person to be my standing plus one? Come on, guys, get over yourselves! There's no real pressure here. As long as you don't insult the wedding party, dance on the table, or burp/fart loudly enough for anyone but the immediate table to hear, or have a stick up your ass, I'm pretty sure it would be a good time. So, if you are interested in interviewing for this position, which always includes booze and cake, please let me know. It would make my life a hell of a lot easier. I have 2 more weddings before August, so I'm looking to fill this position in a timely manner.