Fun Times in Mayberry...

I work in a relatively big school in a relatively small school district. I call the town Mayberry because it can often be very backward and old-fashioned. The majority of people are really nice, but there are some I would love to chain a concrete block to and throw over the side of the boat. We have this discipline plan, and it is based on teachers giving kids signatures. Every 2 signatures = a step on the plan. Steps 1-4 are detentions; Steps 5-7 are increasing days of in school suspension with 5 days being the limit; Step 8 is three days out of school suspension, and Step 9 earns the kid a trip to the alternative education program for 15 days. The steps are cumulative throughout the year, so no kid gets to start over. Once they've earned a step, it is burned. This time of year, the discipline referrals increase exponentially. As do the number of sour grapes and bad attitudes. Everyone is worn out. Today was a banner day in Mayberry. Here are some things said directly to me or overheard as they stood outside my office:

"I don't think it's right for him to be upset just because I took it that far." (I'm not sure what "it" was, or who "he" was, but my mind sure did ponder)

"I'm so tired of the absolute defiance of gum-chewing! And she just gives them lunch detention?" (The outrage! Children chewing gum even though it's prohibited? What is the world coming to!!)

"Well, this is something I developed and I just don't think you should mess with something just because you changed things last year. You've only been here a little over a year, and that's not how things work around here." (Yes, and I'm her BOSS people!)

"She told me to take the work to ISS and not to come back to the room for the rest of the year. I mean, gosh, she really is out of it. It sure wasn't the Christian thing to do." (Uttered by the dumbest instructional aide who has done nothing but disrespect her supervising teacher and the children in the classroom all year. All because she got the new assignment. Not to worry...she won't have to worry about such nonsense next year. Hope she finds a new job far, far away from me and my school)

"I heard that she was leaving. Just as well since the job should have been mine anyway." (Overheard outside my office after she asked me how my most recent interview went. Still her effing BOSS though!)

"I can't do hands-on activities because the librarian told me that I couldn't do projects in my room." (ESL teacher who has a room off the library with a door that shuts. She was explaining why she doesn't do much with her kids in terms of TEACHING..her JOB)

"I think they are monitoring my email." (No shit, Sherlock! It's not your email, it's the district's email network. Get a clue! They are also monitoring your internet usage...so get up off your ass and start doing your job!)

"Have you seen the two girls about the gum issue yet?" (Same person who said the above gum stuff)

"We are not sending kids to AEP or ISS for chewing gum. Tell them to spit it out. I'm not going to address this subject again." (My BOSS...guess he's tired of it too)

"Who do you want to fire this year?" (My boss again...I heart him when he's in this kind of mood)

"Houston, we have a problem." (Big C, my colleague and cohort)

"Are we really suspending kids for "talking in line?" (Big C again...after receiving an office referral for a Step 8, which is three days out of school suspension on our discipline plan)

"No problems, please. I'm trying to quit. " (Oh...that was me)

"Grrrr" (Cricket upon my arrival home)

Now, not too terribly exciting, but those were the ones that I decided to write down since I was hearing stuff all day. Summer vacation, anyone? Anyone?

*Days like these are when I think there just aren't enough bottles of wine in the cabinet. I did come home and make myself one strong Grey Goose dirty martini. I licked the glass dry.