A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words, but I'd Settle for Less

I'm not the most photogenic person. It's not that I think I'm the Elephant Man or anything, but I hate to see myself in pictures. Inevitably, I have my eyes closed, that deer-in-the-headlights look, or the gotch eye. Do you know the gotch eye? It's when you smile and for some reason one of your eyes kind of squints more than the other, so you end up looking like a psychopath or stroke victim. Then of course, there's always the fact that I don't have a face shape the camera seems to love all that much. I have a round face, so it tends to hog the picture. So I know you must be thinking that I'm exaggerating or being insecure, but I promise this is the truth. The reason I bring up pictures is because I'm experimenting with the online dating thing. Now I'm not one to post a picture on the internet, but when you get to a certain point, the guy wants to know what you look like. That's my dilemma now. I've been communicating through email and on the phone with this very nice man who has not demanded my picture, but he has brought it up several times, so I know he is getting a bit antsy. He even sent me his pictures, which I found rather intimidating because he feels so confident that pictures do him justice. I wish I felt that way. So anyway, I know I have to bite the bullet and take some current pictures, as sending him the college pics would be a bit misleading, right? I truly avoid being caught on camera, and I have been successful for the past few years with the exception of my family. Still, I even hate the way those look! Damn insecurity! It really only matters if I like him, right? But rejection stings, even at this age, and this is all so full of pressure. I thought that I would find it less exhausting and aggravating than other methods. The thing is, I'm not totally unhappy with the way I look. I'm confident that I could pass as attractive by most standards, although most of the time the word "cute" seems to pop up, which is kind but annoying. Puppies are cute. Babies are cute. Just once, I'd like some one to say, "Baby, you are smoking!" But we all have our fantasies.
Truth is, it took me a long time to get to the point where I don't feel the need to pick apart all of my flaws, both real and imagined. So, I'm going to do it. I'm going to find someone I trust to take a few pictures of me with the digital. Then, I'm going to actually send them....and if I really feel comfortable with them, I might post them on the site I'm using. Whew! That made me dizzy. Did I mention I might be a bit of a drama queen? (Wish me luck!)