30 Something and the Single Life

As a member of the 30 Somethings, I often wonder about my peers. Many more of us are unmarried than 30 years ago. What does that say about us when compared to the "Swingin' 70s"? Is it really that we are far more career oriented? Or is it that we are, as the experts tell us, in love with our independence and feel no need to engage in the outdated institution called marriage? Frankly, most of the single people I know that are of the 30 something variety (like myself) have been serial monogamists. We've spent our single years with men we have loved but somehow never got the "I do" nod. We go out for drinks and pretend for the first couple of rounds that we are living it up being unattached and free to fly off to parts unknown at a moment's notice. Once that third dirty martini makes its appearance, we begin to lament that we are really more lonely than not, and we work too much to fly off with any real spontaneity. Most of my peers want the marriage motherload of a house in the burbs with a wonderful mate and 2.5 children. Inevitably, the conversation turns to biological clocks, horrible blind dates, and the lack of men our age that are unattached or willing to commit if they are unattached. If more of us are single than 30 years ago, why aren't we all meeting up somewhere? Why are the internet matching sites that tout the scientific approach to personality matching getting bigger and better, yet we still aren't married? Is it that we are unattractive to every other single of the opposite sex and therefore destined to be stuck in the land of Singleton (nod to Bridget Jones)? It's an endless downward spiral that leads to faking true happiness and pints of Ben & Jerry's. Remember that dream where you arrive naked to an important event? That's what being single is today when you arrive alone at an event sans your plus one. Despite what the gals on Sex and the City told us (that is our all-time favorite show), single life isn't quite so fabulous. No one I know has $600 stilettos practically busting out of her closet, wears couture, or can afford a 5 room apartment on the Lower East or Upper West Side. We are attractive (maybe not Miss America but not the Elephant Man either), educated, may own our own dwelling, and a damn good time. Is that truly intimidating, or is it the appearance that we don't need someone to sometimes take care of us? In terms of baggage, we have a lot less than divorcees. No exes, no children (for the majority), and an established career to add to the financial health of a relationship. As a matter of fact, shouldn't that be the glaring attribute rather than the fact that we are 30 something and never been married? Do 30 something men have to deal with the endless questions about, "When are you going to get married?" and "Don't you want to have children before you are too old?" And then there is the smugness and condescension of those who are married that throw us a bone now and again by whining about the litany of things wrong with their mate/married life? In my opinion, those comments cover their relief that they don't have to be out in the dating world at their age. What's promising is that we still have the hope of finding our soulmate (or at least a man whom we love and loves us in return). Does anyone else find this rambling to sound familiar? If so, I'm sending you good vibes and a prayer to St. Jude. And by the way, I know someone I think you might like....