These gems were discovered in publ-ick restrooms across the nation. Evidently, "enlightened" clientele patronized these particular toilettes...
To do is to be. - Descartes
To be is to do. - Voltaire
Do be do be do. - Frank Sinatra
God is dead. - Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. - God
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
Friends don't let friends take home ugly men.
At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.
Bad spellers untie!!!
They paint the walls to cover my pen, but the shit-house poet strikes again!
Here I sit in a misty vapor
Some damn fool stole the toilet paper
My bus is late and I cannot linger
Lookout butt here comes my finger
Beauty is only a light switch away.
Pee hard, Pee fast.
Pull the handle and haul ass.
Are you a toilet scribe? Please...share here!
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Posted by Sassy Blondie at 9:44 PM
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
I had the best talk with my "little" sister today. Every year, I am amazed by her. She got pregnant at 17 and left home under some difficult circumstances. I was in college, and so when she called me back then to tell me she was pregnant, I could hear the apprehension and pleading in her voice. It struck me then how much she valued my opinion and wanted me to be proud of her. When she called that day, she was upset that everyone else was pushing her to get married right away since she was pregnant. So I asked her why she had decided not to do so (no judgement, just a question). Her answer was so mature. This 17 yr old high school dropout told me, "Well, we weren't getting married before I got pregnant, and if we did anyway, it will never last." Amazing, right? She and my brother in-law waited a full year after my niece was born before getting married, and they just celebrated their 11th wedding anniversary. Along the way, she got her GED, had my adorable nephew, and weathered some true hardships in her life. So the call today was centered around a purging email she sent to our mother. Before I continue, suffice it to say that our mother has not been in our lives consistently since my dad got custody back when I was going on 8 yrs old, and she was just an 18-month old toddler. We had a rough childhood, but we both came out of it intact. Recently, my mother has been trying to contact me. The last time she even bothered was about 10 years ago. Anywho, my mother has been emailing my sister on and off this past year. On Saturday, there was an event that I did not attend due to my big test. Her email to my sister was snide in regards to me and my absence, and that it was due to her being present that I chose not to attend. Yes, this is my mother folks...ever the narcissist. It's all about her. My sister said that upon reading such ridiculous tripe (she used a less civilized word), she was incensed. In her words, " Blondie, I just couldn't take anymore! I finally told her what I really thought." So my little sister, my partner in crime, told the woman off. She scolded her about such a juvenile theory on my absence. After quite a few more eloquent words, my sister told my mother that no matter how much whining she did, no matter how many guilt trips she tried to put on other people, no matter how many times she said she loved us, that she could never make it right with her (my sister) until or unless she could make it right with me. My beautiful sister, whom I practically raised, bitch-slapped my mother in an email! I tell you, the things she told me that she said moved me to tears. I never really knew how much I had affected my sister's life and the person she has become, but she told me in just repeating an email she sent to our estranged mother. She told me that in addition to her own children and husband, I was the person she loved the most. I'm tearing up just writing about it. And for the first time in my life, I realized how important it has been to me for her to be proud of me...and she really is! My sister is my best friend, and no matter where I have lived, what I have done, what she has done, we have never failed to talk to one another just about every day. I cherish this relationship above all others because, at the risk of sounding like a Hallmark card, we didn't choose to be sisters, but we certainly chose to be friends. I guess I want to send these thoughts out to everyone who has sisters. My sister turns 30 this year, and a finer person you will never meet. I think she is the absolute bees knees. Cherish the relationship you have with the best girlfriend you can possibly have. Never stop being her conscience, her cheerleader, and her friend. Because in the grand scheme of things, she helps you to be the best you that you can be. Sister, I love you too. Thank you for being my oldest and truest friend.
Posted by Sassy Blondie at 9:44 PM
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Inspiration comes in a variety of ways. It might be gleaned from the pages of a favorite book, passed on from a dynamic person, or in this case, written in the lyrics of a really great song. I have had a reflective day, most likely due to my test from yesterday and a funeral as well. I cannot believe how much time seems to fly by these days. After I hit 30, the years have flown. So far though, I've had a pretty good ride in life. I've overcome enough to be resilient but not bitter, had enough fun (and continue to do so) to keep me young and relatively healthy, and continue to perservere with more optimism than a lot of people my age. Lucky for me I have the "young gene" that is prevalent in my family too. No one really gages my true age (not that I'm old or anything. I have achieved quite a bit of what I wanted to achieve at this age, and I still look forward to getting up each day. So, when I heard this song, I thought about myself (and others I know), and I wanted to share it with the universe. It's now going to be my "first thing in the morning song" when I hop on the elliptical at 4:30am (sad but true folks). I bought the CD today (Natasha Bedingfield), as I was so inspired. Today is where your book begins....
Posted by Sassy Blondie at 8:22 PM
Saturday, February 18, 2006
I took my big test today so that I can add "administrator" to my credential here in the great state of Texas. I studied for 2 solid months, but the study materials were very limited. I took the practice test and only missed one question. I looked over my old university materials. I read through some books that were suggested to help. I even isolated myself last night to do some last minute studying and de-stress myself at a 4-star hotel in Las Colinas (my test was in Coppell, and I highly recommend the Omni Mandalay Hotel). We had to check in at 7:30 and sit through a power point warning about cell phones and pagers in the Coppell High School auditorium, where we were also warned to sharpen our pencils before heading to our room. Finally, we were given our respective testing rooms and headed that way. Once in the room, I quickly found my seat. There was a younger girl sitting behind me who was very sweet, but it was obvious that she was nervous about her ESL test. I talked to her a bit and calmed her down, and I was feeling so confident going into the test. Yet when I opened my blue test booklet, Letter Code A, the first three questions made my head hurt! Was killing myself getting my master's degree in one year a mistake? Did I learn anything? Maybe there's a reason that most people finish in two years. I tried hard not to let the panic set in. Thank GOD for question number 4. Old NES threw me a bone! So they gave us 5 hours for the test, and I didn't rush through at all. Yet I finished in 2.5 hours, which has made me nervous about maybe finishing too fast. I am an incredibly fast reader (fact not brag), so I'm hoping that was the reason. The poor woman in front of me was taking the same test, and after about an hour, I noticed her shoulders start to shake. She raised her hand to go to the restroom, and when she returned she had red, swollen eyes. That made me even more concerned that maybe I was a bit overconfident. I mean, if the test was making grown women cry, shouldn't I be raising my hand to visit the ladies? I had about 1.5 hours on the ride home (double what it should take) through freezing rain with idiots who think they are are on the NASCAR circuit to analyze and over analyze my performance. My conclusion at this time: I probably passed but it could be close. I can find out online on March 1oth. So if you run into me, and I have the crazy eyes, you'll know why.
Thanks to all of you who sent me good vibes and called to check on me today. You guys are the best!
Posted by Sassy Blondie at 9:15 PM
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
So I went to this cute website (I'll try to figure out how to post a link here)that I found on a friend's blog, and I took this little test to find out how I fill the various roles in terms of love and relationships. These are always a hoot, but this one was a bit too close to home. Who knew a few simple questions would tell me more than a ridiculously long personality profile.
***Your Five Variable Love Profile***
Propensity for Monogamy:
Your propensity for monogamy is high.You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.And in return, you expect the same from who you love.Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.
Your experience level is high.You've loved, lost, and loved again.You have had a wide range of love experiences.And when the real thing comes along, you know it!
Your dominance is medium.You tend to be the one with more power.You aren't a total control freak in relationships..But of course you don't mind getting you way!
Your cynicism is medium.You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.
Your independence is medium.In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.
The Five Variable Love Test
Posted by Sassy Blondie at 1:00 PM
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Now, first I want to say that Sesame Street is probably my all-time favorite show. I grew up with Kermit, Big Bird, and Mr. Snuffaluffagus. So when I ran across this cute personality test, I thought it might be fun. And frankly, I need a little levity today. So, what muppet are you most like? Here's what the test told me:
***You Are Kermit***
Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!
The Muppet Personality Test: click here
Anyone who knows me shouldn't be surprised, I guess.
Posted by Sassy Blondie at 11:12 PM
Friday, February 10, 2006
So I had a really great talk with my colleague at my new job. She has been in the position a year longer than me, but she's been in the district a very long time. She's frustrated about many things, and it kills me that she really is all about the school. She cares so much, sometimes to a fault (if that is possible). She is such a kind person, and she really wants to please everyone. It seems to eat at her. I really enjoy working with her. She has a lot to offer me in terms of learning the job, and I like her a lot as a person as well. The conversation was interesting and enlightening. It seems that no one is pleased with the job we do, at times. There is one group of people who have circumvented me and gone straight to my boss twice without saying a word to me. Now I know that it shouldn't bother me. I'm new, and the woman who was in the position before me was a super woman who seemed to be perfect. They are used to her meeting them at the door with solutions to their problems and/or needs. I'm not holding myself to perfection, nor do I try to be everything she was to the campus. But I'm a pretty direct person. I admire people who come at me directly with a disagreement or a request for explanation. I'm trying to gain the credibility with the teachers on my campus. However, I refuse to do so by abandoning what I feel is right. I respect and admire people who stand for what they believe. I really want to understand their side of things. It's difficult to navigate situations that were developed long before I came along. I feel that I am doing the best job I can do. It is important to me to do what is best for kids, and that sometimes means making unpopular decisions. I am a strong enough person to handle this, and it is my hope that people will learn and understand that I am okay with agreeing to disagree. I can deal with people not liking me. I don't need affirmation all the time. But I would like to be confronted when I have made a decision that is not understood nor agreed with. It is my greatest wish to support my teachers. I have only been out of the classroom a month. I KNOW what it is like, and I have not forgotten that in the short space of 4 weeks. So I know that I cannot please everyone all the time, but I'm okay with that. I hope they can learn to be okay with it as well.
Just came in from a great time with good friends and beer. Can you think of anything better? (Sex does not count in this instance!) Remember to pray for me on Tuesday....
Posted by Sassy Blondie at 11:11 PM
Thursday, February 09, 2006
So next Tuesday is Valentine's Day. A day of flowers, candy, and generally a lot of loving thoughts and actions. As a child, it was so much fun to make the valentine box or paper bag with the red, pink, and white heart doilies. As a child, you never doubted that you would get at least one Valentine, right? Now, as an adult, Valentine's Day has not been as good to me. On this day of love, I have had a car accident, discovered a boyfriend in the arms of another woman (this was very near the St. Valentine's Day Massacre 2), broken an engagement(the saddest one of all), and been alone stuck at the airport. Is it just me? Am I cursed? I don't really believe that, but I have had a string of bad luck on this glorious day. So this year, I'm not recognizing St. Valentine's Day. Good Catholic girl that I try to be, I have decided to forego celebrating the patron saint of lovers. It's going to be just another day for me. Of course, I work at a school so it will be quite a challenge. I wish Lent began now rather than March 1st! I could give it up for Lent. But really, I wish everyone a loving Valentine's Day. May you and your special someone enjoy the day and the sentiment behind it. Don't mind me...I'll be the one trying to look inconspicuous.
Posted by Sassy Blondie at 8:08 PM
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE: A woman's feeling toward a man that is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."
IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
NYMPHOMANIAC: A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does. SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
ATTRACTION:The act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.
It's coming....Valentine's Day....
Posted by Sassy Blondie at 8:51 PM
Sunday, February 05, 2006
I'm not the most photogenic person. It's not that I think I'm the Elephant Man or anything, but I hate to see myself in pictures. Inevitably, I have my eyes closed, that deer-in-the-headlights look, or the gotch eye. Do you know the gotch eye? It's when you smile and for some reason one of your eyes kind of squints more than the other, so you end up looking like a psychopath or stroke victim. Then of course, there's always the fact that I don't have a face shape the camera seems to love all that much. I have a round face, so it tends to hog the picture. So I know you must be thinking that I'm exaggerating or being insecure, but I promise this is the truth. The reason I bring up pictures is because I'm experimenting with the online dating thing. Now I'm not one to post a picture on the internet, but when you get to a certain point, the guy wants to know what you look like. That's my dilemma now. I've been communicating through email and on the phone with this very nice man who has not demanded my picture, but he has brought it up several times, so I know he is getting a bit antsy. He even sent me his pictures, which I found rather intimidating because he feels so confident that pictures do him justice. I wish I felt that way. So anyway, I know I have to bite the bullet and take some current pictures, as sending him the college pics would be a bit misleading, right? I truly avoid being caught on camera, and I have been successful for the past few years with the exception of my family. Still, I even hate the way those look! Damn insecurity! It really only matters if I like him, right? But rejection stings, even at this age, and this is all so full of pressure. I thought that I would find it less exhausting and aggravating than other methods. The thing is, I'm not totally unhappy with the way I look. I'm confident that I could pass as attractive by most standards, although most of the time the word "cute" seems to pop up, which is kind but annoying. Puppies are cute. Babies are cute. Just once, I'd like some one to say, "Baby, you are smoking!" But we all have our fantasies.
Truth is, it took me a long time to get to the point where I don't feel the need to pick apart all of my flaws, both real and imagined. So, I'm going to do it. I'm going to find someone I trust to take a few pictures of me with the digital. Then, I'm going to actually send them....and if I really feel comfortable with them, I might post them on the site I'm using. Whew! That made me dizzy. Did I mention I might be a bit of a drama queen? (Wish me luck!)
Posted by Sassy Blondie at 10:42 PM
Saturday, February 04, 2006
I received a phone call from a good friend out in California a couple of days ago. She and I used to work together at a school out in LA, but after she married and I returned home here to TX, we've been playing some major phone tag. The conversation started with the normal catching up information. She told me how her writing is going (she's a tremendous writer, and I know she'll be famous one day), and I filled her in on my new place, new job, etc. Then the talk turned more intimate and personal, and as we always do, we philosophized about life, love, and our place in both. She paid me a wonderful compliment, and I am always deeply moved by the genuineness of her character. After we said our goodbyes, I began to reflect on the people I have met along my personal journey to knowing myself. I've come to the conclusion that I am blessed far more than I could ever articulate here. I have my oldest friends (you know who you are!), and they will always support me and know my heart better than anyone. They tell me when I screw up, when I do well, and why they love me so much when I'm letting my insecurities get the best of me. I have my newer friends, who are enriching my life with new color and inspiring me to further broaden my horizons. When I pray to God, I don't think I say enough in thanks for my wonderful posse of gals and guys. He has truly shown me His grace. So even though I am sometimes confused when things do not work out as I want, and I tell Him so, I have not failed to recognize all the ways He has blessed me. I have always believed that people come into our life with purpose, and it is the journey of friendship that realizes that purpose. So to all of you, I say, "Thank you, thank you very much." You guys are the greatest! I can only hope I am returning the favor. And hey...call me!
Posted by Sassy Blondie at 12:38 PM
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
I was in the Walmart this evening picking up some Diet Coke. Waiting in an impossibly long line gave me a chance to browse the "magazines" that are up near the checkout. What a bunch of crap! Of the 12 or so magazines there, 10 of them featured Angelina Jolie baby news EXCLUSIVES! Woo hoo! Has the culture deteriorated so much that people are waiting with breathless anticipation for some Hollywood whore to have a baby? What makes her so special? And is it not enough that it's on the "hard news" channels all the time as well? I'm sure she's a wonderful person (possibly a Hollywood Regular: read homewrecker), but I could give a flying flip about her life, both personal and professional. Give it a rest already! I lived in Los Angeles, and I had day to day dealings with famous people. They really are people, some normal and some messed up, but they just happen to have more money. Not really too interesting altogether. Let her have her baby in peace, marry Brad Pitt, and work on her second divorce and broken home for her kids. I'm more interested in why so many people think this is news or exciting. Several friends are having kids, but I really don't want to hear all about their baby stuff on the nightly news either. People, read a book, take up knitting...anything. If you do that, we'll all get a break....of course, that's just my opinion. Live and let live, I guess....
Posted by Sassy Blondie at 9:06 PM